Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Pregnancy #1

So the other half has started some sort of fucked journal so I suppose I should retaliate and write my side of the story.

We hadn’t been together long before we found out I was pregnant, infact I don’t think we were even in a “relationship” just shagging and spending a lot of time together at weekends and after work. Heart felt moments, drunk times in the back of my car while being taught a very well learnt lesson on jimi Hendrix, late night trips to asda and mcdonalds just to prolong the inevitable, we were gunna kiss AGAIN. I remember the night I first starting feeling something for this man who is going to be a father to my spawn, he was pissed (as I can recollect he always was at the beginning of our journey together) and wanted a kiss goodnight, Now he has always been the touchy type with girls and men alike. being very huggy and letchy but when he was drunk he got a new confidence about him which took over and asked me for a kiss goodnight. So I obligued on the grounds there was no tongue he was still at this point just my letchy friend I worked with at the pub. But he kissed me on the lips, with no tongue I might add, and afterwards I just couldn’t speak, I muddled up my words and sounded like fucking yoda I wasn’t impressed with myself seen as I tend to be seen as (weither true or not) the untouchable one, one you can’t phase, Hard non-the-less T’was very exciting as every new relationship is, It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t go anywhere at the beginning its all about that moment and how long you can spend with that person with them still wanting to spend more time with you the next day. Which he always did.

Most of the time anyway, there were a few complications at the beginning, him having a massive crush on one of my friends who had her own on going relationship problems and very much enjoyed the new attention at first until she decided she wanted her ex back and he had no chance, until of course I wanted him. Then it was a whole other story. I think one of the things she said to me was “this is just what you do” to my recollection I have never done anything like this before, my friends have always got on the rear end of my previous relationships, what they had was a date in a cinema and a lot of facebooking hardly a marriage. I did say to him from the beginning that I wouldn’t get in between them two if something was going to happen with them, Neil was very much smitten by the woman he couldn’t have and she had a lot of shit with her previous/current boyfriend that she deserved some happiness so I wasn’t gunna stand in the way we would still have stayed friends all of us if that would have been the outcome. So this caused some trouble I suppose mentally for me. The fact he was still holding on to her at the beginning of our fling still pisses me off, I shall have to get over in time. Obviously this is what happens when you get involved with people you network with you always know their history and they know yours, which does cause problems exspecailly when your both emotionly fucked and have self esteem issues.

So all this aside when we were alone and together we had a lot in common and had aload of fun, both loved ricky gervais’s and his podcasts he did with karl pilkinton and steve merchant, this was a shared interest before we were even together. Both enjoyed music with some similar in taste. And we liked fucking each other, our main hobby we enjoyed together I suppose. But all this wasn’t good enough in the start the whole previous paragraph got too involved in his fragile little brain and he didn’t want to hurt me. But I’m strong minded and was sure if I spent just a bit more time with him I could make him fall for me. It’s my thing. And it worked.

After he decided to call it a day we spent more time on the phone and it felt like nothing had changed we both decided (after a couple of days) that we should keep shagging and carried on as if nothing happened. Although it did happen and we did spilt up because I wasn’t good enough for him. I got mine….. in the end, and although I normally only enjoy the chase, with him it was different.

All this settled down and I spent every night at his house after he went away for a week to Amsterdam, I moved out of my mates house to a small room with a bed just down the road and we started acting like a real couple, even though we weren’t officially together.

**missing story to come**

I went out in my new, second hand maternity clothes smelling of bacon and Christian Dior this is my new life and I love it. I haven’t mastered the brilliant organisational skills my mother has to make sure everything is perfect, In a way I’m glad, it means im not as grown up as maybe I thought I was and I still have time to become a super mum. I thought as a pregnant woman I would change dramatically. Although I have a slight maternal glow in the back of my head that wasn’t there before that im sure one day will represent a full shining 60w eco friendly light bulb. Also the huge belly and nipples that are as dark as the bags under my eyes. I don’t feel like all the mums you see in the street or in the elevator, I still shout cunt and the top of my voice with no remorse at my bloke just because it makes me laugh and I love the word. Should a new mum be calling her other half a paki jew?

The buses make the windows shake and im pretty sure most of the poor sods on the 280 bus to oxford have seen my cellulite ridden behind. but if it was all perfect 1. I wouldn’t have anything to complain about and thats just not good english behaviour

26 weeks and 5days. Fundus height measuring 33cm as apposed to the singleton mother at this point would be about 27cm. Weight 75kg and rising I feel good when the doctors tell me the babies are a good size. If more people told me I was massive I would be a much happier person. There is nothing worse than people saying “you’re not very big are you?” I just want to know how big they were when they had their last twin pregnancy. Stupid cunts.

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