Sod it

MY STUPID FRIEND

So picture the scene, in the sexual health clinic waiting to get checked up. Sat with natalie while everyone is trying to look inconspicuous. Having a chat. looked over to natalie and saw she had some foundation on her cheek she hadnt rubbed in properly. I leaned over and wiped it off with some force. she sat there for a bit then asked "what was that" i replied with "just some foundation you hadn't rubbed in properly. A few seconds passed and she said "Oh ok then thats ok, as long as it wasnt a fly".
I had put so much force on her cheek with my finger to get the foundation off, that the fly (if it was infact there) would of had to fly with such force into her cheek to splatter its self all over her. what a nob

Kayleigh: I think we should buy a goat so we dont have to mow the lawn
Natalie: Yeah and a cow then we dont have to buy milk or bacon
5 minutes later
Natalie: Wait forget that bacon comes from pigs

A normal wednesday morning, just got in from my mates house sat there with natalie in her dressing gown while she proceeds to tell me the happenings of last night, "dan lost the remote control" ok then thanks for that. " can you have a look for it today mate while your cleaning" yeah sure. "i looked everywhere tho, under the seats, behind the desk in the kitchen in the fridge" RIGHT

Kayleigh: Tell us what you think of the house when you get back from work
Natalie: Ok will do what have you done?
Kayleigh: Just hoovered up sorted the rest of my stuff out and there is a suprise im not telling you.
Natalie: What have you done
Kayleigh: Redecorated with diarrohea and stencils.
Natalie: Oh cheers mate ive been meaning to get round to doing that just havnt had the time.

All these poems and pictures belong to kayleigh burr. copywrighted init bruv

Pack away your thoughts
they are only causing me pain
i dont want to dwell on something
that will make this less real

when we started i knew
this would all be a real dream
a dream i couldnt wake up from
no matter how cruel

when my desire is burning for you
there isnt much left to do
i wont be able to go on
when we finish what has barely begun

let the water seep in
pushing out all my sin
forgetting my love
forgetting my feelings
its all gone..

Love

Love is difficult
never the same
you love what you cant have
there is only yourself to blame

The times you shared
always seem the best
you only watched a film
went to bed in his vest

he will always think less
than you do about him
he probably never thinks of you
unless he wants to fill you to the brim

You may think hes the one
but he's probably not
actions are more than words
not counting him poking your slot

whatever he says
Its all a bunch of shit
you will never get a straight answer
hes the dictionary discription of the word git

I love you, i need you
fuck off mate
you fucked me over already
dont you think thats a bit late

Jealousy

Jealousy takes alot to control
i can't help the over boiling feeling
torturing my soul
instead of green i see red
wanting to rip and tear
blood i want to shed
nothing other than violence
will quite my demon
so dont piss me off
or you will be forever dreaming.

Ciggarettes and contraception
tell me now whats your perception
do you agree with them
or do you fret
knowing each one can cause
a horrible death
lung cancer or allergic reaction
ciggarettes can lead to a silly infraction
while contraception can be a handy distraction

Natalie whitmore
what can i say
shes a hunk of love
always wanting to play

she cries at films
that arn't even sad
she sings out loud
even though she's bad

her accent is funny
from the isle of man
but shes always willing to help
anyway she can

when shes not at coral
she sits at home
with the curtains closed
in a world of her own

she plays on c.o.d
and the sims three
chatting online
to her friends in ramsey

hopefully she will never go
back to the isle
her and dan
should relax and smile

because when your in love
times get hard
but you two are the best
now lets eat some lard.

Cancer cancer what a cunt
they know how to cure it
but they fucking won't

Unable to breathe
you lay there still
waiting for it to take you
it surely will

Everything comes to an end
thats your only guarantee
so just sit down relax
have a cup of tea

Fuck the world
Fuck it good
Fuck the people
Fuck the noise
Fuck the stupid immature boys
Fuck the way everything makes you feel
Fuck it because it isn't real
Fuck the fortune it's all a game
Fuck it all and go insane

21'

FUCKING BRILLIANT

Abortion, abortion
you have yet to see
how much of a burden
you would have been to me

growing inside
selfish for your needs
destroying my body
doing your dirty deeds

you sucked out my emotion
like you would have my tits
your just a letch
i hate you to bits

my advice to the world
will simply be
slip on some protection
take it from me

A few bits of my inevitable creativity

You stupid cunt
I hope you rot
Your foul smile
You've lost the plot

Nothing makes me hate you more
Than the sole reason your a fucking bore
Nobody cares about your life
Your pain your hardship your fucking strife

Everything happens for a reason
Your life is shit
'cos your mums a heathen

MICHAEL ROBERTS

Michael roberts my lil bro
His eyes blue
His brain slow

He does nothing at all
except eat shit
Sit at his computer
and act like a tit

his penis small
through no fault of his own
his dads a salesman
and has problems unknown

The problems are simple
tho no cure is known
he has no friends
and a cock the size of a toe bone

now i know what your thinking
this may be sick
but my brother likes showing me
his tiny dick

he asks if its normal
or heriditory
i reply with no
lets take you to jeremy

there on the jeremy kyle show
my brother sits
surrounded by an audience
he has to show his bits

Jeremy shouts
having a go
my poor little brother
has spoiled the show

His penis had shrunk
to the size of a pea
no one could see it
not even me

he sulked off stage
in fits of tears
no-one understood
the pain he's felt for years

Jeremy followed
with a face of glee
now the cameras are off
i will let you see

he pulled down his pants
my brother still glum
but what jeremy revieled
was that he too was not hung

where his penis should be
was a flap of skin
flaccid and small
no bigger that a pin

at that moment
by brother grinned
he knew he could go on
being tiny and dim

Just a few old gems

You’re a kitten and you’re so cute,
I want to kick you with my boot,
Round the flat till your dead
Then im gunna stamp on your head

Il skin you just like crippens wife
It’ll be the best day of my life
You shit in the bath and piss on the floor
You wont be doing that no more

Il gash you up and make you bleed
To the fish your eyes il feed
Poor little Neville he only has one
He will have fucking three by the time were done

Il rub salt in your vagina
As ive heard theres nothing finer
Then il serve in on a platter
Garnished with salad and fried in batter

Il wear your skin as some fancy mittens
Feed your liver to your fucking kittens
Il wear your tail as a sock
Rap it around my throbbing cock

My mother will get your heart in the post
She will cook it up for her Sunday roast
Il make your bones into a lovely paste
feed it to my nan she will love the taste

Il put you through my fucking mincer
And then attack with a small crabs pincer
Cook your flesh in a stew,
Eat you up then do a poo

I'am going to try and eat a whole chocolate gateau at exsactly 1.00am in the morning. My dog is jealous. Its not going to happen i have only got 1/4 of the way through and i'm already tired. What sort of a human being am i? A rubbish one.